I am 29.
I am 29. I am 29? Wait..what?! Well…according to the birth certificate, I am now 29, so let’s go with that.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t cringe everytime I say that. There are and will always be moments of mini (who am I kidding, there’s nothing mini when it comes to emotions with me!), okay major panic attacks where I wonder…
What is wrong with me?
Why haven’t I been to more countries?
Why haven’t I accomplished more things?
Why I am not married?
Am I even ready to be married?
What if I never have my gorgeous babies?
And should I look into freezing my eggs (yes..modern times and the Kardashians seems to think this is the ideal age to do this)???
It’s at moments like this that I literally hear my biological clock ticking. Eventually, when the emotions stabilise, probably due to the intake of copious amounts of wine and cake, I remember that it’s okay to feel like this sometimes. Being human means that you have doubts, you have feelings, and it’s okay to be down sometimes as long as you don’t allow yourself to stay in that dark place for so long it becomes home. The truth is while I expected these attacks to get worse with each passing year, they’ve gotten much better. Is that wise old age finally kicking in?
The truth is that age really is just a number, and I’m getting better with age, even though the random aches do pop up more regularly these days. Being 19 or 29 doesn’t automatically make you ready for certain life decisions, like marriage, kids, moving to a different country, etc. Only your own unique life experiences, goals and individual journey determine that. I’m finally at a point where I genuinely like myself (excluding those hormone controlled days). I may not be the most gorgeous woman in the world, but that woman does not exist, and I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. My nose is way too big but I’ll learn proper contouring techniques to deal with that. I like my body, on both my fat days, and more so those days I can see my two abs. I’m on that fitness track, not to fit into my Carnival costume (for once), but to get stronger, to get better. I’m doing it not to be skinnier and fit into society’s accepted sizes, but to look in the mirror and say you kicked ass today..keep it up, then put on some jammies and bond with Netflix.
As for my nerdness, and plain old weirdness, I love it. It’s a great filter that attracts like-minded, worthy people who challenge me, instigate fantastic discussions, and just make life so much more interesting.
Career wise, have I arrived? No, because that point doesn’t exist for me. But I’m at a great point. I enjoy what I do, and I am good at it. Am I content? No, but I’m figuring what the next step is, and going to work towards making that happen.
I have THE most amazing family. From my core support of my momma, dad, bros, to my sis, mama, my second mum, aunts, uncles, cousins…I am a hundred times blessed. These people are so genuine, loving and caring that they deserve the world, and I am the luckiest girl to have them in my world.
I have people in my life who are the dictionary definition of friends. Some have been consistently around for years, some have only been here for a few months, but their presence, words, actions and genuine positivity make my days, and life beautiful.
I’ve learned some tough, tough lessons but what’s new? That’s the continuous test of life. Life is a cycle. Good and bad. Sometimes the good patch is so short, you forget it was there, but it was, and it will come back around. I truly believe that. I truly believe that by focusing on the light and love in the world, this is the world you create for yourself.
I am exactly where I need to be at this point in time.
Life is wonderful.
Thank you God.
Thank you Universe.
Thank you beautiful people.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I have faith.
I believe in fate.
I’m just a #fairytalekindagirl