A Salute to My Twenties!
I am posting this on July 13th, 2017, the last day of my twenties. Tomorrow I turn thirty, and even though there have been many panic attacks over this milestone, I no longer dread it. I am ready.
I wanted to write this post because it is a final way to not just bring closure to this chapter, but to reminisce over the last decade, and all my experiences, good and bad that have made me who I am.
To my twenties, although I did not want you to end, at the point in time, I did not always appreciate you. I did not believe in the process, or the necessary lessons, and just thought life was often being unfair and unnecessarily hard on me. Today, I know, each success and heartbreak was a brick in what now forms my fundamental, and strong foundation.
Blood makes you relatives. Loyalty makes you family. I've said many times over the years that I choose my family. I'm lucky enough that I do choose everyone in my immediate family. It hasn't always been easy, but I think especially in this last decade, as we all got older, we learned to appreciate each other more. I would do anything for my parents, and my brothers, not just because they are my family, but because they are great humans, who make the world, and my world a better place. I am forever grateful for having siblings to grow up with, and parents, one blood, and one not, who I know are there if I need anything. I have heard many stories from friends, about parents, and I know that I am grateful to have grown up in a family, where I was only expected to be a good child, and do well at school, and even when we weren't as financially secure as we are now, to not have to worry about contributing to bills, etc. To this day, my parents will not take money from us for anything, whether it be bills, groceries, etc. They just want us to focus on ourselves. That's a blessing I do not take for granted.
I am also extremely lucky to have known my grandparents, and to have a grandma still alive and baking me cakes, cousins, aunts, uncles, and my trouble-making, adorable nephew. These people can make me feel better when I'm down, and have come to my assistance on many occasions, often without even having to be asked. I love and cherish you all.
Now, as we're on the topic of family, especially in light of recent events, I need to touch on something. There are aunts, uncles, cousins, other who are technically related to me by blood, who I wish no ill upon, but who I do not consider family, and who I do not care to have in my space. I am very careful about who I allow in my space, as other people's toxicity is contagious. Growing up in a predominantly Indian family, there is always gossip, especially among the older heads. Sooo much gossip! Now, I know it's not just me because my brothers are also always amazed at why people would spend their time not just talking, but getting emotional about other people's lives, and worse, about what other people think about them. We simply do not care about random people's lives, or opinions about our lives. Yet, it affects our elders (mothers and aunts). My question has always been to my mother, or aunt, why do you encourage these conversations, why do you allow it to bother you, why do you care??? These people do not pay your bills. And now, this might get petty, but it's a response to these people always having an opinion on things that do not concern them. How great is their life? Is their marriage even a marriage? What are their children doing? Why are they still 'minding' their children? How many different baby daddies do their children have? What number marriage are they on? Now, I personally don't care about the answers to those questions, because I don't know people's circumstances, and it simply doesn't affect my life, or pay my bills. However, I do know that I am a smart, independent, successful, good-looking (yes I can be shallow and say that), but most importantly GOOD human being. No, I do not have a husband or kids yet, even though your kids who are younger than me do. Congratulations. I am genuinely happy for them. However, I am also happy with my life. My life. The life I know I cannot stop you from speaking about because you're clearly dissatisfied with your own, but just so you know, your opinion, or disapproval whispered to my mother, or grandmother, or aunt, will not in any way impact me. Not the relationship I have with my family, not my friends, not my boyfriend, not my job, not my hobbies, not where I live, not where I travel, not how I spend my money, and not what show I watch on Netflix, so carry on, but remember that. Oh, I don't hate you by the way. I don't care enough to hate you. I just wish that you figure out what is actually making you so unhappy that you try to make everyone else unhappy too. In spite of it all, I am still sending light and love your way, because you need it, and that's how I roll.
It's wonderful when the friends you had in high school are the same ones you have now, but those are going to be in the minority, and that's okay. People take different paths in life. People change and evolve, and it's okay for everyone to not be able to stay with you on your path. Of course it hurts, and you'll miss them, but wish them well, and move forward. Life is such a funny, unpredictable thing that they might re-appear in your life again, when you really need them.
Quality over quantity. Life gets so busy when you're an adult, that as much as you might want to, you just no longer have the time and energy to hang out with everyone. You might still keep in touch, but it's difficult to have many close friends. I still miss some of my friends, as I've lost people I considered besties at a point in time, but I now understand that they were more toxic to my life than beneficial. This doesn't mean they're bad people, but for me to be better, I needed to be away from the them, and the Universe gave me that gift. What I've lately realised is that every single time I've lost someone, almost immediately, someone steps into the picture who is understanding, and just a God sent. Every time I've has a break-up, or lost a best friend, I've either made a new friend, or an old one has been there for me. Again, I've learned that the impact a friend, or person has on your life has little to do with how long they've been in your life, but rather how genuine and great the effort they devote to you.
Somehow, I've reached the point where I'm genuinely at peace with every past romantic relationship I've ever had. It might help that this is literally a handful (because I'm a long term relationship kinda girl). Right now, there's no bad blood between myself and any of my exes. We're all actually more than civil with each other. I'd like to think we can have great conversations on the rare occasions we reach out to each other to catch up, and there aren't any lingering negative emotions attached. That is a liberating feeling. To truly not feel any bitterness and resentment, where you once felt consumed with anger, hurt, and maybe even some hate. Let's give this one to time, maturity, and personal growth. Now, I still maintain that exes cannot be friends, because that is the past and when you go down that road, you're not giving your present or future relationship enough love and respect. Now, some people might be able to do it, but I know I can't, because I believe in being fair in a relationship, and I will never be okay with my significant other being friends with his ex. I'm just not that cool. Who knows, maybe my thirties will teach me how to do that, but for now, it's a no. I think I'm quite evolved by being okay with friendly, so let's not push it.
To you in my past relationships,
You were what I wanted and needed at that point in time. I often have issues letting go because I'm very selective about who I let in, so when I do, I tend to try as hard as I can to make it work, so I might have held on for longer than necessary. I no longer blame you for hurting me, for falling short, for not being the right one. I now know that even though those things happened, and we couldn't work, it does not make either of us bad people. If anything, it helped me to better understand who I am, and to recognise the person that is right for me. For the time you were in my life, you enriched it with friendship, love, new experiences, and when we parted, that experience gave me additional fortitude, and always took me closer to God. Thank you for your role in my life, and I truly wish you health, success, and happiness.
I got ten years of excellent experience in this decade. From auditor, to accountant, to chief operations officer, and back to senior accountant. It's been an amazing ride. I do enjoy my field, and what I do, but I do know I can't keep doing this forever, if I want any kind of real work-life balance, and that's ok. It just means I need to make a way that works for me. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I've learned that I'm good at what I do, and I care about people, but it's difficult to find work environments with persons in authority who treat people like people. I've had to deal with so many different, difficult, arrogant, and often heartless persons, and as frustrating as it is, I wouldn't change it because it's made me confident of what I can handle, and what I will not tolerate. It has also made me very clear on the type of leader I do not want to be in the workplace. As many difficult people as I've met, I've also met extremely inspiring people, who are killing it in so many different areas, and who are just so crazy talented. I love being around them because they motivate me to get off my butt and do better, and then better than that. Those are the people worth keeping aroung. I'm not yet certain what they future holds, but I'm truly looking forward to the next chapter of my career.
I've realised that I am still finding out what I want to be when I grow up, but I believe it's right around the corner. I love doing this blog, and plan on growing this into something more permanent. I have the travel bug bad, and I want to make that a priority as well. Other than that, before the end of 2017, I want to put measures in place to make impactful change on this country. I will definitely keep you guys posted about that. However, I have so many new things that I want to learn in the coming years, from dancing, to fitness, to cooking, to languages, to sports, that I am not going to let myself be bored. Most importantly, I'm not going to let myself be too scared to try new things because I might fail, or look silly.
What would I say if I had to tell my twenty year old self something for this decade:
Trust and believe in yourself more. Understand that you're an amazing human being, and look more inwards for comfort and security, than in people and things. I would say to be kinder to yourself and always remember that life isn't always fair, but all you can do is be the best you, and that's enough. Stop being scared. Embrace being alone. Do new things. Take the trips. Oh, and fuck what unimportant people think about the decisions you're making for your life. Once you're not hurting anyone, you do you boo!
All in all, I moved out. I became more independent. I partied a whole lot for most of the decade, to the point, where it holds little appeal anymore. I am ready to settle down in this decade. I truly lived during these last ten years, and I plan to continue the journey, filled with new adventures, accompanied by familiar, and new faces.
To my twenties, thank you for everything. Because of this decade, I can step confidently into my thirties, flawed, but fabulous. Bring it all on, except the wrinkles, sags, and body aches.
Light and love always my darlings,